*jokes 1*

A child came home from his first day at school.
His Mother asked: 'Well, what did you learn today?'
The kid replied: 'Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow.'

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Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"

[principal = the head of a school]

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One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?"
The little girl replied, "My homework."

[exclaim = call out or say loudly and suddenly]

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A student comes to a young professor's office. She closes his door and says: "I would do anything to pass this exam." She moves closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything."
He looks at her. "Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice softens. "Anything??"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"

[whisper = speak in a very quiet, soft voice]

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Yesterday, Miss Jones gave her young students a lesson on science. She explained about magnets and showed how they pick up nails and other bits of iron. Today, it is question time, and she asks, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row answers: "You're a mother!"

[science = a school subject teaching biology, chemistry, physics, etc.]
[nail = a thin piece of metal that you put into the wall and hang a picture on it] 

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